Oh No You Didn’t


Oh No You DIdn't

Oh No You DIdn’t

I am a software developer. I am a woman. That isn’t a as common a thing as say female nurse or teacher. I find myself the only female in the room or conversation more often than not.

And, just for the record, I’m OK with that. It is the path I have chosen almost all of my life. I have always been more comfortable with male friends and tend to have more of them than female friends. It translates to my working environment preference as well. I chose to take on a career where I was not the majority demographic. I didn’t pick this job to break down barriers or achieve any greater social purpose. I enjoy my work and I make good money. Simple really.

I give you this background so that you will know where I am coming from as you read the rest of this post.

There is gender bias in software development/information technology workplaces. Lots of it. Even when you aren’t looking for it. Anyone who tells you otherwise is completely clueless.

The system is tipped heavily in favor of men and their typical career pattern and communications style. And for every five guys you work with that are just as incredible as can be, there is that one complete chauvinist dipshit.

I can’t speak for ladies or gentlemen who work in traditionally female fields. Perhaps they encounter this stuff too. But here are some things that have actually been said to me by male coworkers that I don’t believe they would have said to their male colleagues. Some by dipshits. Most not. All said to me directly this century.

I have followed with what went through my head when it was said. Understand that I couldn’t say some of these things out loud because then I would have been THAT WOMAN. You know. I would have been the man hating bitch working “the system” with a chip on her shoulder causing trouble. Not a fantastic career move.

Women in the Workplace

Actually Said

“I don’t agree with women in the workplace after they have had children.” (Said in a meeting by a fellow developer in front of two managers who said nothing to correct him.)

What I Said

“Hmm”

What I Wanted to Say

Do you approve of women wearing shoes and leaving the kitchen? What about reading? Probably not huh?

Actually Said

Followed by, “How do you feel about someone else raising your child?”

What I Said

I raise my kids. Thank You.

What I Wanted to Say

Someone married you?

Actually Said

And not to stop while he was behind , “ Who cleans your house if you are at work all the time?”

What I Said

I pay a professional. Thanks for your concern?

What I Wanted to Say

WTF? Is there a hidden camera in here? This has to be a joke. Right?

Pregnant Chick

Actually Said

“Oh yeah. You are the pregnant chick on H***y’s team.”

What I Said

”Hmmm”

What I Wanted to Say

Just Wow. Thanks, the old, fat dude on L**e’s team.

The Ass Grab

Actually Said

“You have a masters? I wouldn’t have done that (You know, the grabbing of the buttocks thing that offended you so much) earlier.”

Yeah. This actually happened.

What I Said

”If you ever touch me again you will lose that hand.”

What I Wanted to Say

As if a lack of a Master’s level education is an excuse for grabbing a woman’s ass at her workplace. How do you feel about women with a Bachelor’s? Grab their tits too? Associates degree? Corner them in the elevator and try to kiss them? High School Diplomas? You cop a feel of their vagina’s don’t you? GEDs? The consensual part of sex completely leaves your vocabulary doesn’t it?

Fucking scum bag.

A Real Woman

Actually Said

“You are not actually a woman.”

What I Said

”Hmmm”

What I Wanted to Say

Just because I like burgers, beer, action movies, and conversations that get straight to the point does not mean I am not a woman.

I know it was intended as a compliment. I get that. But I am not of the opinion that being a man is better than being a woman. Especially now that I have actually brought life into the world with my body.

I , this combination body and brain, am amazing. Roar.

Has anything that has come out of your body done anything more than make a mess? Has it ever learned to ride a bike, or laugh, or go to the moon?

Not to mention, I would never presume to tell you you weren’t “actually” a man. At least not to your face.

Allow?

Actually Said

“I didn’t ALLOW my wife to go back to work.”

What I Said

”Hmmm”

What I Wanted to Say

Bet she doesn’t ALLOW you to have sex anymore. No wonder you are always so grumpy. Bless your heart.

Reliability

Actually Said

“They can’t give you a project, you are always pregnant.”

What I Said

”Hmmm”

What I Wanted to Say

Well you are always stupid. They give you projects.

Guys and Girls Can’t Be Just Friends

Actually Said

“Did you enjoy your date?” (Said after I returned from lunch with a coworker by his manager.)

What I Said

”That was inappropriate and I want it noted.”

I can and have put up with a lot. Any insinuation such as that I will not tolerate.

What I Wanted to Say

Really?

Reeeeeaallly?

Really dude?

For real?

Now I have to do paperwork.

How Ladies Get

Actually Said

“You know how you ladies get.”

What I Said

”Let’s move on.”

What I Wanted to Say

How do we get exactly? Sick of your bullshit?

That Special Connection

Actually Said

Staying home with your kids helps form that special connection Dad’s don’t have.

What I Said

”Not true.”

What I Wanted to Say

Oh honey, I already have that. And I work as many hours outside the home as my husband. Its a magic, wonderful Mom thing. You wouldn’t understand.

If I Were A Woman

Actually Said

”If I were a woman, I would stay home at least until my kids went to school.”

What I Said

”Is that so?”

What I Wanted to Say

Well you aren’t a woman.

You are speaking of things which you have no way to know about. So you should stop talking.

You won’t ever be judged for returning to work after your baby is born. Not a single person will have an opinion about it. It won’t even be a discussion. You won’t have to take a permanent hit to lifetime earnings and career advancement then fight to find a job because your skill set is stale.

But you just keep on talking like you have a clue you know what you are talking about sweetheart. If I were a man I wouldn’t cry like a baby every time something got within an inch of my testicles.

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